blast from the past

This is something I wrote in 2010. It's such a trip reading it.

June 14, 2010

 1. There essentially is no person that I can't live without. People aren't like vital organs - if I were to lose my heart, liver, or brain I'd probably die, but if I were to lose a friendship, even a once-close friendship, it wouldn't be my demise.
2. BUT, the presence of certain individuals make my life that much more richer that I am willing to invest time & effort into them.
3. I've been told that I am unflinchingly loyal. If any of my friends, past or present, needed me and if I could help them in any shape or form, I would (with the exception of illegal activity... no murdering or robbing a bank allowed).

I'm a fucking champ when it comes to replaying memories in my head. Sometimes I wish I wasn't such an emotional pack-rat - I hold on to so many memories, and replay them in my head constantly, to the point where I've convinced myself that certain things/actions didn't even happen. At times I feel like holding on to every single fiber of a memory is detrimental to my existence; I can't, for the life of me, live in the present. I'm either marinating in memories from the past (both good and bad), or I'm daydreaming about the future and how I want to decorate. But at the same time, my past is, well, it's me. And to know me is to know my past, even the parts I'm not proud of. 

--

I was far more eloquent three years ago than I am now. So crazy.

hooligans

In the 1st grade, I had two best friends name Arleen and Laura. During recess, this 2nd grader named Jared kept stealing our jump rope and tried whipping us with it. After he stole our jump rope one final time, Arleen and I chased after him, grabbed his arms and held him down while Laura proceeded to punch him in the stomach. It was kind of epic. In the end, Laura was the only one who got in trouble - she got benched during recess. But since we were the three best friends that anyone could have, Arleen and I kept her company during her punishment.

friday night lights

This is my favorite picture from the entire trip.

Also a story about the dress I'm wearing: I bought it from Forever 21 the day before I left for Vegas and then I ended up getting it altered down the street from my work the morning of my flight. I dubbed it my backup dress but it ended up being my favorite out of the two I had packed. Thank you, Forever 21 for the affordable, under $30 little black dress.

waking up in vegas

 Tomorrow I will be reuniting with these galskis in Vegas for Sandra's last fling before the ring. My liver is not ready and I am actually rethinking my dress situation. I haven't packed yet either but I am excited. I love that we all reconnected this year after not all collectively hanging out since Steve's going away party in 2008. :) So excited to make more memories with these crazy girls.

happy things

It's much easier to write about sad things than happy things. For whatever reason, I draw more inspiration from those gut-wrenching, heartbreaking moments than anything else. Writing about heartbreak is easy. Easy. It's easy to draw inspiration from human suffering because you constantly question it. But happiness? Once I'm caught up in happiness, I don't question it.

My point is - I am not sad. I'm actually quite content. I have more than enough to be thankful for and my list of blessings continues to grow. I am surrounded by some pretty wonderful individuals. I am in good health. I have people who remind me that I am worth having even when I don't feel like it. I've traveled more in the last five months than I did all of last year. I am coming into my own and I like the person I am becoming. I am standing up for myself more and refusing to take shit from anybody. I know my worth and will stand my ground. Life is good. As long as I'm trying, as long as I am making an effort to be good and to be kind, as long as I keep getting up when reality bitch slaps me... my efforts count. I'm making it all count.

bragworthy

Forgive me for sounding full of myself but I am actually an excellent gift giver and I pick out the best birthday cards too. I am, however, really bad at wrapping gifts which is why I spend a lot of money on gift bags and crepe paper.

palahniuk says...

"Please know there are much better things in life than being lonely or liked or bitter or mean or self-conscious. We are all full of shit. Go love someone just because; I know your heart may be badly bruised, or even the victim of numerous knifings, but it will always heal, even if you don’t want it to; it keeps going. There are the most fantastic, beautiful things and people out there, I promise. It is up to you to find them."